We use words every day. We talk to our families, our friends, our neighbors, people at work, people at church, and sometimes complete strangers. We talk when we are happy, when we are angry, when we are frustrated, when we are tired, and when we are trying to make a point. Sometimes we speak without thinking because we are so used to talking a certain way that the words simply come out. But Scripture shows us that our words are not something we should treat as meaningless. What comes out of our mouths can reveal what is truly inside us, affect the people listening to us, and teach other people what we believe is acceptable.
David understood that controlling our speech requires more than simply deciding not to say certain words. He asked God to help him watch what came out of his mouth: “Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips!” Psalm 141:3. David was asking God to help him put a guard over his own mouth because he understood that he was responsible for what he said. That is something each of us has to learn. Nobody else can put that guard over our mouths for us.
Jesus took the matter even deeper. He did not point to the mouth as the place where the problem begins. He pointed to the heart. “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” Matthew 12:34. What comes out of us tells us something about what has been allowed to grow inside us. Anger, hatred, bitterness, pride, contempt, dishonesty, and other things can eventually make their way into our speech because the mouth is giving expression to what is already there.
Jesus explained it again when He said, “But what comes out of the mouth comes from the heart, and that is what makes a person unclean.” Matthew 15:18. So when we are talking about controlling our speech, we are not talking only about changing our vocabulary. We can learn not to say a particular word and still have the same anger, hatred, contempt, or bitterness sitting inside us. Jesus was showing us that the mouth can expose what is happening in the heart, which means the heart itself has to be dealt with.
That becomes especially important when we realize that our words do not stop with us. We influence other people, sometimes without having any idea that we are doing it. A parent teaches a child by what he or she says and does. Children learn from their parents long before they understand that they are learning. They hear how their parents speak to one another, how they speak about other people, how they respond when they are angry, how they talk about authority, and how they speak about God. A child may not understand all of it at the time, but those words and examples can become part of what that child grows up thinking is normal.
God specifically instructed His people to teach His words to their children as part of everyday life. “These words that I command you today are to be upon your heart. You shall teach them carefully and repeatedly to your children, and you shall speak of them when you sit in your house, when you walk along the road, when you lie down, and when you rise up. Deuteronomy 6:6–7”. Notice where the teaching was supposed to happen. It was not limited to a formal religious lesson. God told parents to teach their children and to talk about His words throughout ordinary life.
That passage makes me laugh now because one Sunday, when my daughter was about nine years old, she asked me why I had to “lecture them for three hours” every time we talked about God. At the time, I never really thought about why I did it. I was not sitting there thinking, “Well, God commanded me to teach my children, so I guess I had better give them another three-hour lesson.” 😂 I was simply talking to my children about God. If they asked questions, I answered them. If something came up, I explained what I understood from Scripture. If we were talking about God, I talked about God. I never realized that what I was doing was actually following the instruction God had given parents. Looking back now, I can see it.
And my children were learning more than what I was deliberately teaching them. They never heard me filling the house with cursing, swearing, filthy language, or that kind of speech. They heard me talking about God, and they watched how I handled the things that happened in our lives. I talked about how the miracles that happened were abundant! That was teaching too. I did not have to announce, “Now I am going to teach you something.” They were living with me, listening to me, watching me, and learning from me.
That is something parents sometimes forget. We can sit a child down and tell that child to show honor and respect, but if the child hears us constantly speaking disrespectfully to other people, the lesson being taught by our behavior may be stronger than the lesson being taught by our words. Honor and respect are not things children automatically understand simply because they are born into a family. They have to be taught, and they have to be demonstrated.
If adults constantly speak disrespectfully to other people, children can learn that disrespect is acceptable. If adults use vulgar language whenever they are angry, children can learn that vulgar language is simply how people express anger. If adults mock people, insult people, gossip about people, or speak carelessly about God, those things are being taught too. We may not intend to teach them, but that does not mean they are not being learned.
That influence does not stay inside the home. Children influence other children. Students influence classmates. Friends influence friends. People at work influence one another. Sometimes all it takes is hearing something often enough for it to stop sounding wrong. A person who would have been shocked by certain language at one time may eventually hear it so often that it seems completely ordinary. Scripture warns us not to underestimate that kind of influence: “Do not be deceived: bad associations corrupt good character.” 1 Corinthians 15:33. The people around us can affect the way we think, speak, and behave, and that means we have to pay attention not only to what other people are teaching us but also to what we are teaching them.
This is where our example becomes important. We can tell somebody, “Don’t talk that way,” while talking that way ourselves. We can tell a child to respect people while that child hears us disrespecting people. We can tell someone that God’s name is holy while using God’s name carelessly ourselves. We can tell people to be honest while making promises we have no intention of keeping. When our words and our actions disagree, people are still learning something from us. They are learning to listen to what we say while watching what we actually do.
That does not mean parents have to pretend they are perfect. Nobody is perfect. A parent can make a mistake, say something wrong, lose his or her temper, and then admit it. There is something very important a child can learn when a parent can sincerely say, “I was wrong. I should not have said that. Please forgive me.” That teaches accountability. It teaches a child that being wrong is not the end of the world, but refusing to admit it and correct it is another matter. Sometimes what a child learns from watching us correct our own mistakes is more valuable than anything we could have said while trying to appear perfect.
The Bible has a great deal to say about what comes out of our mouths. David wrote, “Whoever desires to love life and to see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit.” Psalm 34:12–13. The tongue can be used to tell the truth or to tell lies. It can encourage somebody who is hurting or tear that person down. It can speak honestly or manipulate. It can bless God and other people, or it can be used to attack people who were made in God’s image.
Proverbs gives us a very plain picture of the damage words can cause: “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Proverbs 12:18. Words can hurt deeply. A person may forget exactly what was said years later, but the wound caused by those words may remain. On the other hand, a kind and truthful word can bring healing to someone who is hurting. We should not underestimate either one.
That brings us to cursing. We need to understand what the Bible means by cursing because the biblical use of the word is not exactly the same as the way we commonly use the phrase “curse words” today. In Scripture, cursing can mean pronouncing a curse upon someone, calling evil upon someone, or speaking against someone in a way that seeks harm. Modern speech often uses the expression “curse words” to describe vulgar or obscene language. Those are related subjects, but they are not identical.
James gives us a serious picture of this problem when he says, “With the tongue we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who have been made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be happening. James 3:9–10”. The Greek word eulogoumen means to bless, praise, or speak well of. The word katarōmetha, from kataromai, means to curse, to call down evil upon, or to invoke a curse against someone. James is pointing out the contradiction of using the same tongue to bless God while using it to call evil upon people who were made in God’s likeness.
That does not mean every unpleasant word is automatically the same thing as biblical cursing. But it does mean that our speech should not be used to deliberately injure, degrade, or call evil upon another person. Calling somebody a name because we are angry does not become acceptable simply because we were upset. Insults, slander, threats, and words intended to humiliate another person all need to be examined by the standard Jesus gave us for how we treat other people.
Then there is vulgar and filthy speech. Scripture addresses this directly. Paul wrote, “But now you must put away all these things: anger, rage, evil intent, slander, and shameful or obscene speech from your mouth. Colossians 3:8”. The Greek word aischrologia refers to shameful, obscene, or dishonorable speech. Paul was not merely giving us a list of forbidden sounds. He was dealing with speech that is shameful and unfit for the people of God.
Paul also wrote, “Do not let rotten, corrupt, or worthless talk come out of your mouths, but only speak what is good for building others up according to what they need, so that it may give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29”. The Greek word sapros describes something rotten, spoiled, decayed, or worthless. That gives us something to think about. Our speech should not be rotten or worthless. It should have a useful purpose. That does not mean every conversation has to be serious or religious. It means what we say should not be harmful, corrupting, or destructive.
Paul also addressed obscenity, foolish talk, and coarse joking. “There must be no filthiness, foolish talking, or vulgar joking among you, because these things are not fitting; instead, let there be thanksgiving. Ephesians 5:4”. There is a difference between harmless humor and humor that depends on vulgarity, sexual talk, humiliation, or making somebody else the object of ridicule. We need to be honest about what we are actually doing with our words instead of looking for technical ways to excuse them.
Sometimes people try to get around vulgar language by replacing the offensive word with an innocent word. But changing the sound does not necessarily change the intention. For example, fudge is an ordinary word when we are talking about the candy. There is nothing wrong with the word itself. But if someone deliberately uses fudge as a substitute for a vulgar word because they want to communicate that same vulgar expression without actually saying it, then the issue is no longer the candy. The person has simply changed the sound while deliberately keeping the intended meaning. God looks deeper than the word coming out of the mouth. He sees the heart and the intention behind it.
Then we come to something else that is often reduced to a much smaller issue than Scripture actually gives it. That is taking God’s name in vain. People often think this simply means saying “God” or “Jesus” as an expression when they are surprised or angry. Using God’s or Jesus Christ’s name carelessly certainly falls within the larger problem of treating His name as something empty or worthless, but the biblical command goes deeper than one particular expression.
The command in Exodus says, “You shall not take the name of the LORD your God as something empty, worthless, or false, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who takes His name in that way. Exodus 20:7”. The Hebrew word translated “vain” in many English Bibles is shav. It carries the idea of emptiness, worthlessness, falsehood, deception, or something that has no substance. God’s name is not to be attached to empty or false words.
That becomes especially clear when we look at false oaths. God said, “You shall not swear falsely by my name, and so profane the name of your God. I am the LORD. Leviticus 19:12”. A person could misuse God’s name by calling upon God as a witness to something that was not true. The person was attaching God’s authority to a lie. That is serious because the problem was not merely the sound of God’s name coming from the person’s mouth. The person was using God’s name to give weight and authority to something false.
Jesus addressed this same subject when He taught His disciples about making
oaths. He said, “Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil. Matthew 5:37”. Jesus was teaching His followers to be people whose ordinary word could be trusted. We should not need to drag God’s name into every promise in order to convince people that we mean what we say.
Taking God’s name in vain can also involve claiming that God has said something when He has not said it. If a person says, “God told me to tell you this,” when God has not actually spoken those words, that person is putting God’s name and authority behind his or her own words. We need to be extremely careful about that. God’s name should never be used as a tool to make our own opinions sound like divine commands.
The Old Testament also shows how seriously God’s people were taught to treat blasphemy. In Leviticus 24, a man blasphemed the Name, and the matter was brought before the Lord. The account describes the seriousness with which God’s name was treated under the covenant law given to Israel: “Whoever blasphemes the name of the LORD shall surely be put to death. All the congregation shall stone him. Leviticus 24:16”. That was part of Israel’s ancient covenant law and its civil system, so we should not simply take that ancient penalty and apply it as though it were a command for civil government today. What the passage does show us is the seriousness with which the misuse of God’s name was regarded under that covenant.
Jesus also warned us that our careless words matter. He said, “I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned. Matthew 12:36–37”. Jesus did not say that only the big things we say matter. He spoke about every careless word. That should make us stop and think before we dismiss our speech as “just words.”
This is especially important for parents. A parent may not realize how many things a child learns simply by listening. The child hears what happens when the parent is angry. The child hears how the parent talks about the neighbor. The child hears how the parent talks about the other parent. The child hears what is said about people who are different, people who are difficult, people in authority, and people who have made mistakes. Those words become part of the child’s understanding of how people are supposed to speak.
That influence can follow a person for a very long time. Sometimes people carry expressions, attitudes, or ways of speaking from childhood into adulthood without even realizing where they learned them. That is why teaching children honor and respect matters so much. It is not enough to tell a child, “Respect me because I am your parent.” The parent also has to demonstrate what respect looks like. Children need to see that respect is not something we give only when somebody agrees with us or does what we want.
The same thing happens outside the home. Friends can teach friends. Coworkers can teach coworkers. One student can teach another student a way of speaking that neither had considered before. A person may hear vulgar language often enough that eventually it no longer bothers them. Something that once sounded shocking can become ordinary simply because they hear it repeatedly. That is influence at work, and it is one reason we need to be careful about what we make ordinary in our own speech.
This is also why the statement “everybody talks that way” does not settle the matter. Everybody doing something does not make it right. Jesus is the standard we are supposed to examine ourselves against, not the people around us. If the culture around us treats something as normal, that does not answer the question of whether it belongs in the life of someone who follows Jesus.
Jesus taught that our speech and our heart cannot be separated. What we say matters because our words come from somewhere. If our speech is constantly filled with anger, contempt, vulgarity, lies, insults, or bitterness, we need to look deeper than the vocabulary. We need to ask what is happening in the heart that keeps producing those words.
That is why simply telling ourselves, “I need to stop saying that word,” may not be enough. We can replace one word with another while keeping the same anger, hatred, contempt, or intention underneath it. Real change has to reach deeper than vocabulary. When the heart changes, the speech begins to change with it.
James gave practical instruction for controlling our reactions: “Know this, my beloved brothers and sisters: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger. James 1:19”. That is simple enough to understand, but it can be difficult to practice. Many arguments would never become arguments if people took the time to listen before answering. Sometimes we are already preparing our response while the other person is still talking. We are not listening to understand. We are waiting for our turn to speak.
Proverbs gives us another reminder about restraint: “Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. Proverbs 17:27”. Restraint does not mean being afraid to speak the truth. It means understanding that not every thought needs to come out of our mouths. There are times when we need to speak, and there are times when wisdom tells us to be quiet until we can speak properly.
That is something children need to learn, but so do adults. We should not expect children to control their mouths while giving ourselves permission to say whatever we want because we are older. If we want children to learn restraint, they need to see adults practicing it. If we want them to apologize when they are wrong, they need to see us apologize. If we want them to speak respectfully, they need to hear respectful speech from us.
Our influence can continue even when we are not thinking about influencing anybody. That is the part that should make us take our words seriously. We may think a conversation is private, but someone may remember what they heard. We may think a child was not paying attention, but children often hear much more than adults realize. We may think a joke was harmless, but somebody else may learn from it that vulgarity or cruelty is acceptable.
None of this means that we have to live in fear of saying the wrong thing every moment of every day. It means we should become more aware of what we are putting into the world through our speech. Our words go somewhere. They reach people. They can be repeated. They can become habits. They can be remembered. They can be taught to someone else without us ever intending to become their teacher.
That brings us back to David’s prayer: “Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips! Psalm 141:3”. He did not ask God to guard somebody else’s mouth. He asked God to guard his own. That is where our responsibility begins.
We should care about the words we use, but we should also care about the example those words create. We are always teaching something to somebody. Sometimes we are teaching through what we say, sometimes through what we refuse to say, and sometimes through how we respond when we are angry or disappointed. The people around us are watching and listening, whether we realize it or not. They will learn how much respect you deserve or not.
Jesus gave us the standard. He taught us to speak truthfully, to treat people with love, to bless rather than curse, to deal with what is in our hearts, and to let our words agree with the life we are living. When we measure our speech against Him instead of against what has become normal around us, we have a much clearer way to see what needs to change.
Our words are not just sounds that disappear into the air. They come from us, they affect others, and they can become part of someone else’s example. What we say today may be repeated tomorrow. What a child hears from a parent may become something that child carries into adulthood. What one friend hears from another may become part of the way that friend speaks to somebody else. That is why our speech matters, why our influence matters, and why our example matters. What we teach with our mouths may continue in another person long after the conversation itself is over.
✝️✝️✝️✝️✝️
Prayer
Holy Father, I praise You for who You are. You are holy, righteous, faithful, and worthy of all honor and praise. I worship You and thank You for Your truth and Your mercy.
Help me guard my mouth and my heart. Help me speak words that are true, clean, kind, and pleasing to You. Help me remember that my words influence others, especially those who are watching and learning from me. Let my words and my example point people toward You. In Jesus’ name, amen.
✝️✝️✝️✝️✝️
Don’t take my word for it. Like the Bereans in Acts 17:11, search the Scriptures daily to see whether these things are so. Open your Bible, study God’s Word for yourself, and ask the Holy Spirit to guide you into all truth. Don’t simply accept my conclusions. If what I’ve written agrees with Scripture, hold fast to it. If it doesn’t, let God’s Word be your final authority.
If you liked this message, please leave a positive comment. I would love to hear from you!
© AMKCH 2026
image done by imagefree.net at my direction.
If any of these people looks like you or someone you know, that is purely coincidental. They are not.
✝️✝️✝️✝️✝️
.