PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIPS IN DATING
In the September 1981 issue of Good News Broadcaster, there is a story about a beautiful young girl who was deemed too tall, which limited her opportunities for dating. Most weekends, she spent time at home while her peers ventured out on romantic outings.
One weekend, a star player from the Varsity Basketball team asked her out. Without hesitation, she said “yes,” neglecting to ask whether or not he was a Christian. Her mother voiced her disapproval, but the girl was determined to go. Unfortunately, the evening didn’t unfold as she hoped. The boy had different intentions than simply enjoying a fun evening together, resulting in a miserable experience for her. This painful lesson reinforced the wisdom of her mother—an encouragement to seek God’s guidance. Months later, one of her friends ended up marrying this boy due to an unplanned pregnancy. However, shortly after the birth of the baby, he left her for another girl.
For some time, the young Christian girl struggled with the notion of lowering her standards just to go on dates. Witnessing what happened to her friend served as a stark reminder of the risks associated with compromising her values. Thankfully, through prayer and seeking God’s will, she eventually met a wonderful Christian young man who was preparing to become a preacher.
This story illustrates the pressure teens face to lower their standards for the fleeting pleasures of dating, often missing out on God’s blessings and direction in their lives.
God’s Plan
From the very beginning, God designed the male and female relationship with intention. The first relationship established on Earth was among a man, a woman, and God, characterized by love. God created woman from man’s side, symbolizing closeness and partnership (Genesis 2:18-24). It’s an indication of the beautiful unity He intended for couples—a bond that is both emotional and physical.
The sexual relationship, while often misunderstood, was designed by God to express that perfect unity. In its rightful place, it is beautiful, enjoyable, and fulfilling. Ephesians 5:31-32 states, “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.” This connection mirrors the relationship between Christ and His church—an astounding representation of unity and love.
God calls His people to live in holiness and purity. Romans 12:1-2 beseeches believers to present their bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable unto God. This isn’t just an obligation; it is a dedication of our lives to glorify Him. A critical part of this dedication is maintaining a relationship built on purity, righteousness, and mutual respect.
When God created man and woman, He blessed them and commanded them to “be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth” (Genesis 1:28). This command signifies a partnership, a thorough unity designed for both companionship and reproduction.
Sadly, some young individuals mistakenly think God is opposed to sex when, in fact, He invented it, knowing its intended purpose is to foster joy and fulfillment within His guidelines.
Satan’s Strategy
While God outlines His beautiful plan for love and unity, Satan works tirelessly to undermine it. One of the most devastating consequences of deviating from God’s design is evident in unfulfilling relationships. The temptation to sidestep God’s intentions often leads to confusion and heartache, resulting in broken families and shattered lives.
When God first established the union of man and woman, Satan endeavored to disrupt this harmony, as evidenced in Genesis 3. By instigating doubt and rebellion, he succeeded in bringing sin into the world, leading to disarray and separation from God. Today, many families exist without God in the center, which often brings a host of problems. Christian homes, too, can experience challenges when they allow distractions to take precedence over their relationship with God.
Satan aims to take God’s creations and distort them into something flawed or shameful. While God emphasizes inner purity, Satan promotes outward appearances and seeks to convince individuals that fulfillment lies in following after worldly pleasures. The lies of Satan—teaching that indulging in sin is innocuous or even desirable—often entrap even the most steadfast believers.
Satan, referred to as “the serpent” in Genesis, embodies deceit and craftiness. The subtleties of temptation can lead one to stray from God’s truth. Hebrews 12:1 encourages believers to lay aside every weight and sin that may beset them, showcasing the need for diligence in guarding one’s heart and mind from Satan’s lies.
Anatomy of a Strong Marriage
Understanding effective relationships is key to building a strong marriage. It requires effort from both spouses to resist temptation and stand firm in their commitment to one another.
The first step toward a healthy union is an individual commitment to Christ. Salvation acts as a foundation for love, as 1 John 4:19 states, “We love him because he first loved us.” A spouse’s self-esteem must be rooted in the understanding that they are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). This assurance enables partners to support one another in their growth, free from insecurity and jealousy.
Next, respect for authority figures further strengthens a relationship. The willingness to yield and embrace accountability reflects maturity in one’s walk with God (Ephesians 5:21). Oftentimes, effective communication plays a pivotal role in a marriage, requiring both partners to actively listen and share their thoughts and feelings. Matthew 7:12 challenges us to treat others as we wish to be treated—an essential principle in any marriage.
Forgiveness is vital in every relationship. Colossians 3:13 advises it is imperative to forgive one another as Christ forgave us. Carrying resentment hinders genuine connections and may even cultivate bitterness over time.
Developing ethical freedom is also critical. This involves monitoring one’s moral behavior and making conscious choices that honor God. Many fall into the trap of rationalizing wrong actions; however, as 1 Corinthians 10:23 reminds us, not everything permissible is beneficial.
Beyond individual efforts, couples must prioritize their shared goals, understanding how marriage complements and enhances their purpose. This encompasses a commitment to financial stewardship, ensuring that resources are managed wisely and dedicated to God’s work.
Five Types of Marriage
Individuals can find their relationships characterized by certain zones, influencing the dynamics between spouses.
1. The Cemetery Zone – Emotionally stagnant and devoid of conflict, this marriage creates a lifeless environment. Partners exist under one roof, mechanically interacting without genuine connection.
2. The Battle Zone – Constant conflict and arguments define this environment. While both partners recognize the destructiveness of their actions, they remain trapped in a cycle of blame and frustration.
3. The Comfort Zone – This relationship initially appears ideal, as both partners enjoy similar interests. However, a lack of deeper connection leads to monotony and dissatisfaction over time.
4. The Fragile Zone – Partners exhibit forced closeness, sharing experiences and mutual interests. However, any disruption to established patterns can lead to significant tension.
5. The Heavenly Zone – The flourishing relationship is centered on Christ. Trust, growth, and mutual respect characterize this environment, enabling partners to thrive as individuals while supporting each other’s development.
Ultimately, marriages must avoid falling into the traps of compromise or complacency. Seeking God through prayer and engaging in open dialogue fosters stronger bonds. When challenges arise, seeking godly counsel is key, along with prayer, wisdom, and patience.
Understanding Love
Love evolves and deepens over time. Understanding this requires effort and empathy toward one another. As a new year dawns, consider the importance of genuine understanding in relationships.
Being mindful of your partner’s likes, dislikes, and the reason behind behaviors enables growth. Rather than attempting to change each other, partners should encourage transformation through mutual support and love.
Intentionally resolving to deepen understanding in the new year by serving one another will also serve as a blessing. Consider the timeless truth of Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7: “Love is patient, love is kind… it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”
God’s blessings and peace will abound in every relationship as partners pursue the divine blueprint laid out within these principles! As a wise man once advised, “If you want to stay out of trouble, don’t just look for love—lovingly look for understanding!”
Building Lasting Connections
A lasting marriage is built upon understanding and respect, cultivated over time. Just like an athlete preparing for a championship, it requires continuous training and commitment to develop skills that enhance the relationship. Communication is key to success; expressing thoughts and feelings openly fosters an environment of trust and intimacy. James 1:19 encourages us to be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger. Active listening is crucial; it enables spouses to understand each other fully and address the underlying issues rather than merely treating symptoms.
It is essential to approach conversations with a mindset of love and empathy. When discussing sensitive topics, praying for guidance can make a significant difference. Bringing God’s presence into the conversation not only calms emotions but also guides you toward constructive dialogue that is beneficial for both partners. Philippians 4:6-7 reminds us, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” By incorporating prayer into discussions, couples can experience peace and clarity, allowing them to navigate difficult subjects more effectively.
The Role of Intimacy
Intimacy in a relationship extends beyond physical connection; it encompasses emotional, intellectual, and spiritual dimensions. Couples should prioritize all aspects of intimacy to strengthen their bond. Emotional intimacy involves sharing vulnerabilities, dreams, and fears with one another, fostering a sense of safety and belonging. This type of openness encourages deeper connection and affection—two pillars essential for a thriving relationship.
Intellectual intimacy means engaging in stimulating discussions, exploring different perspectives, and learning together. By sharing insights and ideas, couples not only grow individually but also as a unit. Such exploration can lead to discovering common interests that invigorate the partnership. Proverbs 27:17 states, “Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.” When couples engage in meaningful dialogue, they can inspire each other and work toward mutual growth.
Spiritual intimacy is vital, as it centers on the foundation of faith that binds couples. Sharing faith journeys, praying together, and attending church can enrich the spiritual bond. It is essential to remember that a relationship rooted in shared faith encourages alignment in values and goals. Ecclesiastes 4:12 speaks to this dual strength: “Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. A threefold cord is not quickly broken.”
Navigating Conflict
Conflict is an inevitable part of any relationship, but it doesn’t have to derail a marriage. The manner in which couples navigate disagreements can significantly affect the health of their union. Healthy conflict resolution hinges on understanding and collaboration. Instead of escalating disagreements into personal attacks, couples can approach conflicts as opportunities to understand one another better.
Practicing humility during disagreements fosters an environment of grace. Ephesians 4:2 encourages believers to be humble and gentle, bearing with one another in love. By prioritizing love and understanding over the need to win an argument, couples can find resolution more peacefully. The goal should not be to ‘win’ but to come to a mutual understanding.
Establishing ground rules for conflict can aid in managing disputes. Agreeing on acceptable ways to express feelings during disagreements ensures that both partners feel heard and respected. Timing is another important consideration; choosing an appropriate time to discuss sensitive issues can prevent misunderstandings fueled by stress or exhaustion.
The Importance of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a cornerstone of healthy relationships. Holding onto grudges erects barriers that hinder intimacy and trust. It can be easy to let resentment build, especially during times of conflict, but doing so only complicates the healing process. Ephesians 4:32 instructs us to be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ forgave us.
Recognizing that neither partner is perfect can help promote a forgiving atmosphere. Mistakes will happen, and it is crucial to respond with compassion rather than condemnation. Couples can cultivate an environment where accountability is balanced with grace—this allows for learning and growth.
When one partner feels wronged, it is vital to communicate feelings promptly. Instead of allowing resentment to fester, addressing issues directly fosters transparency and accountability. Forgiveness can then be offered in a spirit of love and understanding. Proverbs 17:9 reminds us, “He who covers a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates friends.” This wisdom highlights the importance of choosing to forgive instead of rehashing old wounds.
Developing Shared Goals
Developing shared goals is essential for marital harmony, as these aspirations align partners and create a sense of purpose. Couples can sit down and discuss their individual dreams and see how they can intertwine to form a collective vision. Whether related to career ambitions, family plans, or personal growth opportunities, having goals creates motivation and a sense of teamwork.
Goal-setting can be broken down into short-term and long-term objectives. Short-term objectives can include weekly or monthly goals, such as spending quality time together, planning regular date nights, or engaging in joint hobbies. Long-term goals might revolve around financial planning, family expansion, or contributing collectively to community service.
Moreover, regularly reviewing these goals allows couples to hold each other accountable while celebrating achievements. Habakkuk 2:2 encourages us to “write the vision and make it plain,” reminding couples to openly communicate aspirations to ensure both partners contribute to the shared path.
Maintaining Independence
While it is crucial to nurture partnership, one must also maintain individual identities within the marriage. Each partner should strive to retain their uniqueness and independence, pursuing personal interests and friendships. Balancing togetherness with individuality creates a healthy dynamic that enhances the relationship.
Colossians 3:12 advises believers to put on compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. Encouraging each other to grow as individuals can strengthen the essence of the relationship. Moreover, spending time apart individually allows partners to recharge and come together with renewed perspectives.
Encouraging personal growth leads to a more vibrant marriage. Couples can support one another in pursuing hobbies, education, or career paths—investing in each other’s individuality strengthens the bond while nurturing mutual respect.
Celebrating Milestones
Celebrating milestones, whether big or small, reinforces the bond between partners. Acknowledging anniversaries, accomplishments, or personal achievements fosters appreciation for one another and adds joy to the couple’s journey. Romans 12:15 reminds believers to rejoice with those who rejoice, encouraging celebrations that enhance the flourishing relationship.
Consider establishing traditions for celebrating milestones, such as revisiting significant locations, exchanging meaningful gifts, or enjoying special meals together. These moments of joy create lasting memories and reaffirm commitment within the marriage.
A thriving marriage is built upon love, understanding, respect, and commitment to God’s principles. While challenges will arise, the resilience to navigate conflict and seek mutual growth paves the way for a fulfilling partnership. Through patience, forgiveness, and prayer, couples can maintain a relationship that honors the divine design God intended for marriage.
In pursuing growth—individually and collectively—spouses will deepen their love and commitment, ensuring their bond remains unbreakable. With Christ as the foundation, marriages can flourish, reflecting the love and grace bestowed upon believers.
So, as you embark on this journey of marriage, remember: love is not just a feeling; it is an action, a commitment, and a beautiful testament to God’s design. A wise couple recognizes that the emotional highs of romance require equal dedication to weathering life’s storms together. Therefore, prioritize your love through understanding, nurture it with respect, and allow God’s guiding light to lead you on the path of enduring joy in your marriage.